Hill students, do you smell that? Love is in the air … and in the Student Center, the quad, the pitch, the Map Room, the Dining Hall, the library, the Upper School portico (especially there), and everywhere else adults aren’t. Valentine’s Day is upon us and coming in fast. Firstly, I want to say that I do not intend to offend anyone who enjoys this holiday. I concede that it can be a great way to liven up these boring winter months and to get ready for what’s actually important: St. Patrick’s Day. But then again, this is a satire – so deal with it. Now, let’s get into it. 

It’s very hard to maintain a private relationship in a school where everyone knows everything at all times. So the Couples of the Hill™ collectively decided: “To heck with privacy!” and have run with that declaration ever since. It is not a bad thing. In fact, I catch myself silently rooting for many of these #HillCouples. We love you all! I want to see you have a great Valentine’s Day. However, you seem pretty well-adjusted, so I guess I only have one suggestion: please stay around 10 feet away from the rest of us – and maybe pick up the pace a little. I love you! But I have to focus on those who need advice more. 

As for the rest of you … let’s be honest with ourselves. You probably won’t spontaneously find a romantic partner in the week before Valentine’s. And that’s okay too. Life is not “How to Build a Better Boy” and you are not China Anne McClain (or whoever the main character was). Still, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. 

Here’s some semi-concrete advice. 1) Don’t pay attention to TV or movies. It only makes you feel bad when reality doesn’t meet your raised expectations. If you catch yourself thinking “I can change him,” then please reevaluate (or run). 2) Show your friends and family some love. Valentine’s Day isn’t just about receiving love but giving it as well. Even if you get nothing, you can always spread some McLovin’ to others. 

If still adamant about romance, never fear! You may not have known that Hill has its own Tinder, but we do. It’s called “Snapchat,” and students can use it to get properly acquainted with each other. Valentine’s Day can be the start of a great relationship too, not just the culmination of one. 

So, to all you hot teens out there – have fun, love each other, love yourselves, and treat every day like Valentine’s Day (but not in front of me, please).