SATIRE: We are your cells, and we approve this message


Illustration by Angela Jin ’23

One morning, two neurons convene at the breakfast table to discuss matters of duties. 

“I don’t believe I’ll go to work, this time around,” one neuron begins, sipping his coffee. “I just don’t think I make a difference.” The other looks up from his newspaper, shocked. What has brought about this change of heart? 

“You can’t really mean that,” he responds. “Of course you do; your job is crucial!” But the first only leans back in his chair, synapses crossed, deeply in thought. 

“I just mean … there are 86 billion of us, and our shifts easily remold. One cell can’t possibly have the power to collapse the office, so my duties really mean nothing.” 

And, indeed. Our first gentleman is correct: a single defective neuron cannot affect cognitive function. Other cells will find methods to reconfigure the pathways, and little will occur with your thoughts and senses and retention. But imagine if 44% of your neurons “thought” the same. You certainly would not die, but you would no longer be able to perform tasks at the most genuine representation of your ability. Without a doubt, the way you would experience the world would vastly change, and perhaps not in a way you would enjoy. 

Of all eligible U.S. voters, 44% cast no ballots during the 2016 presidential election. Regardless of whether that number could have turned its tide, 44% of American voters were not represented the last time this country chose a leader. Whether it be apathy towards the results, or a refusal to align with either party, the idea of “I cannot make a difference” ultimately convinced millions of U.S. citizens that their vote cannot, and will not, matter. 

In reality, this could not be more untrue. It is, in the end, the people who represent this democracy, and in order for our country to operate at its most genuine level, we have to make sure we play our part. Even if you dislike both of the candidates, and even if you believe neither party is right, there has to be one that you prefer, even slightly, over the other. Our government is built on the very foundation that its citizens’ voices can make a difference, and you can use yours to shape this country’s future into a better one. 

So, when voting day comes around, if you are able, please cast your ballots. Your very cells support it, after all.